Filled

I remained in my despair and doubts for about a month, wondering if God would still cause things to come together for a choir tour, or if I was completely off track with His will. Nothing came of the verse I had written. 

Only days before I was scheduled to audition for the producer, I needed one more song and had reached a dead standstill between two half-baked ideas. I called a friend in to hear her thoughts (shoutout to Megan Kelly, give her a listen), and she thought the forsaken idea had potential.

With no shape or vision for this song, all I could do was lay on the floor of the practice room and cry out to God. What did He want to say through this song? Ecclesiastes came to mind. The vanity of chasing after dreams, even if they seem good. The emptiness I was feeling reminded me of the futility of any pursuit other than the pursuit of Christ. God used this to reset my focus on what's truly important. Prayers still unanswered, but filled with an unwavering hope that God never fails, the rest of the song unfolded in the nick of time.

As is so often the case, the test of time proved God's plan to be the best. Border restrictions likely wouldn't have allowed me into the States anyway, and God had better things here at home for me.

15 months later, a second surgery this past January proved successful and I have felt God’s care throughout the entire journey. I am now thankful for the failed procedure—thankful that I processed so many of the emotions that come along with reproductive issues, that the darkness makes light shine all the brighter, and for God gently and patiently bringing me to a place of trust. He never fails to fill the empty who call on Him.

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=-UkAJPptmT8&list=OLAK5uy_n0ll5ENG1_tSDCtWe-ym6ZaTagqyPNZJ8